A Day In The Life
by Grimmhausen
Summary: Inspired by Oreithyia's fic and Something Awful's "Blue Stripe" series. Witness the life of a Shinigami through their own words. Rated T for language.


**A Day In The Life**

A day in the lives of the denizens of Sereitei as told through their letters, reports and personal correspondence. Read in full detail the glamorous, exciting, and action-packed lives of the Shinigami of the Gotei 13!

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6:05 AM

**Report of 1st Division Enforcement Unit Chief Suzuki Keiji**

Responded to report of a disturbance at the first Senkai Gate along with squad members Kubo and Haino. Upon arrival, we were informed by the guards on watch that former 5th Division Captain Aizen Sosuke had attempted entry through their gate just minutes before, but they had "fended him off" after a brief confrontation. Upon further investigation, we could discover no evidence of Captain Aizen's presence on the premises, or that any battle had taken place. Although we did find a sizable stash of sake containers hidden behind one of the gate's decorative columns. Withdrew from area with no further action taken. Personally recommend that the current watch officers at the first gate be immediately reassigned to 4th Division, preferably on janitorial detail. End of report.

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7:45 AM

**Personal Log of 2nd Division Captain Feng Shaoling**

I awoke this morning to receive reports from last night's patrol. Nothing but normal activity, Hollows appearing at usual frequencies in the Living World, with concentration unusually high in the vicinity of Karakura, Japan. Once would think the level of disturbance the creatures are causing would create some kind of stir for the humans. Military occupation would not be helpful to our cause, but would at least be an appropriate response, particularly after the incident surrounding the appearance of the Arrancar "Yami" who killed roughly a third of the city's population with a wide-area soul drain. Not to mention the massive amounts of structural damage our battles with them have been causing over the past months. I wonder what sort of false memories 12th Div's been coming up with for the people who've had their homes, businesses, and loved ones annihilated...

Anyway, still no signs of Yoruichi-sama. Special squads one through six are still assigned to watch over the cave that Her Highness and _that man _used as a hideout. They report with a 90% veracity that she hasn't visited the spot in the last 24 hours, but who knows if those fools could actually sense her or not. Squads seven through eighteen have made similar progress in the Living World. Have two on permanent watch on that shifty little miscreant's shop, should probably have more. Squads nineteen through twenty four still on assignment in Hueco Mundo, have yet to report back.

You can't hide from me forever, Yoruichi, oujo-sama.

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11:24 AM

**Medical Log of 4th Division Captain Unohana Retsu**

Just finished the daily counseling session with patient Lieutenant Hinamori Momo, currently the only resident of our psychiatric wing. Her condition seems to be improving, albeit at a slow pace. I can't imagine what Aizen must have done to this poor girl. Her delusions go far beyond the effects of any kind of hypnosis I've ever seen. It seems that her mind cannot grasp the fact that Aizen has actually betrayed Soul Society, she persists in thinking that his accomplices Ichimaru Gin, and Tousen Kaname have somehow manipulated or forced him into acting against us, despite this being clearly not the case. I'm quoting some of her statements here for future reference:

"I told you, there's just no way Captain Aizen would do this to us! No way! It must have been Gin, and Kaname. They're the bad ones! ….They, they must have seduced him, that's it! He did it out of love! After all, who could resist Ichimaru's easy smile, and playful demeanor? And he was always around the Captain too! You think something couldn't have been going on?! And Tousen's body... his sweaty, chocolate abs glistening in the sunlight; his taut thighs like two panthers, poised to thrust-" At this point I had to cut Lieutenant Hinamori off, lest we get too far out of the bounds of appropriate conduct.

We'll continue to keep her here under supervision. At present, I can think of no other pertinent course of action. Lieutenant Yachiru of 11th Division also visited Momo today, wanting to know when she'd be able to attend the Women Shinigami meetings again. Although socializing with her peers will probably help her in the long run, I think it's too soon to let her out of our sight yet. I did however allow Yachiru to give her a "get well soon" card that all the members had signed.

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1:00 PM

**Log of 12th Division Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri**

The days we are now in are truly auspicious. Never before has Soul Society faced a threat as grave as this one. And as noted scientists like Oppenheimer could attest, all the best work is done with imminent doom looming ever closer over one's head. And yet for the life of me, my staff simply will not understand the importance of what we grasp! Their attitudes have actually been sinking since the time the war began. They march about solemnly, go at their duties half-heartedly, and talk as if some great tragedy has befallen us all. Imagine! If they can't be enthusiastic about the wealth of new knowledge that can be gained from Aizen and his little rebellion, they should at least respect my authority and foresight! I swear if I catch any more of them placing bets on Rin's gender while they should be analyzing Arrancar reiatsu patterns, I'll send them to the Liquidizer!

Fortunately, Nemu seems to be much the same as always. Her performance in bed has dropped approximately .83%, but I'm willing to chalk that up to variational noise.

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1:35 PM

**From the Personal Notes of 8th Division Lieutenant Ise Nanao**

REMEMBER: WSA election meeting TONIGHT!!! At new location.

I wonder if this place will really work. It came recommended well enough, but I'm still peeved that we're giving up the old room. What's Captain Kuchiki doing with all that space anyway? And I'm pretty sure those massive stacks of rice paper didn't really need to be stored in our room, if they were really needed at all. Oh well, I guess we were _technically _trespassing_._ But anyway, it should be fun tonight, we'll actually have most of our members present for once, the president even said she could get Lieutenant Hinamori to show up. I guess she must be feeling better, poor girl. I hope meeting so close to the place of the... incident doesn't upset her too much.

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2:10 PM

**Journal of 7th Division Captain Komamura Sajin**

I was informed by Lieutenant Iba today that he has received word from Urahara Kisuke that our assistance is needed to help prepare for the battle to come in Karakura. Strange, I didn't think he and Iba had very close connections, nor that he would need to ask favors here, rather than just report to Commander Yamamoto himself, like he usually does. It seems that he wants us to help build a new Senkai gate within the walls of Sereitei that is directly connected to the basement of his shop. This gate would act as a secret route of reinforcement/retreat should the usual routes become unusable. I don't know what circumstances he could be thinking of, but Urahara's not a fool, so I suppose we'll go along. Iba is heading down to the location now to start getting supplies moved in.

I'm not one to simply blindly do whatever I'm told, not after what's happened. I would question the wisdom of this measure, however Iba also informed me that this gate could be used specially by seated officers without restriction, including captains, to travel to the human world. This seems like a wise move, since the time will soon come when waiting for orders to be dispatched is simply not an option. We must be able to move freely if the situation demands it... And I very much hope that I will get some time to go to the human world before the battle starts. In all my years I've never once been allowed to go, even though all the other captains have at least once. Sure, I'm a twelve feet tall, and have the head of a fox, but a suitable gigai could allow me to move about without drawing any attention at all... All the new smells and tastes that must be everywhere, just waiting to be experienced. I won't be denied forever! And I've heard even that canine anthromorphs are quite revered in certain circles there...

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3:00 PM

**The Poetry of 6th Division Captain Kuchiki Byakuya**

The head of Renji

Resembles a pineapple

I just now noticed

*

My sister is with

Kurosaki Ichigo

At his home right now

Family honor

Is in gravest of danger

Soi Fon owes me one

*

My house is quiet

Tranquility found at last

No more pink-haired brat

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4:11 PM

**Orders Issued By 2nd Division Captain Feng Shaoling to Studies And Observation Sqds. 1-6**

As you have witnessed, it appears 7th Division is involved with some sort of large scale construction project within the target area. Do not attempt to interfere yet, as it seems their captain has ordered them to move the materials in. Further investigation will be conducted on this end. However, if ANYONE who seems remotely suspicious attempts to enter the cave, you are ordered to apprehend them immediately. These are your standing orders until further notice. We're close, I can feel her hand in this.

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5:00 PM

**Diary of 11th Division Seated Officer Ayasegawa Yumichika**

I swear, I just don't know what to do with that man anymore. Ikku's just been getting more and more scrappy ever since this thing started. At first he could just get it out during the regular sparring sessions with the rest of the squad, but now it's like he can't survive for two damn minutes without starting a fight with someone. I had to pry him away from some hungover 1st division goons who complained about the sun reflecting off his head earlier. I wish I could just keep him on a leash if he's going to act like a badly behaved dog. We're supposed to go on some special assignment to the human world soon too, I can already feel my palm slapping my forehead just thinking about it. He'll probably trash the place worse than the Hollows... No, no, I shouldn't think like that. I know he has a good heart under all that bad boy posturing, but it just gets hard to find sometimes... I know he's hurting inside, he just doesn't have any other outlet for it, except fighting. We're all pretty shocked about the betrayal. Ha! Listen to me, I sound like some fussy old housewife (maybe some day... ^_^). But I've got a job to do too, so bring it on, Aizen, you and your creepy skank Gin can come back any time, we'll have a nice warm welcome ready!

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6:53 PM

**Diary of 13th Division Seated Officer Kuchiki Rukia**

*numerous crude drawings of the 'Chappy the Bunny' gikon character adorn the margins of the page*

Finally, a night by myself! I got strawberry head to take up Hollow duty tonight, since he owes me big time for insisting he go to school at least three days a week. What's all that pointless banter going to do for him anyway? I never went to a day of primary school and I'm perfectly fyne. And it sure is more important than saving the world, too. Things around here are the same as usual, I suppose. His dad is just as crazy as ever. This morning he hid under Ichigo's bed, I guess to try to grab his legs when he got up, but Ichigo just ended up stepping on his fingers, and I think breaking a couple. They just don't stop fighting whenever they're around each other. At least they have something. Nii-sama doesn't talk to me about anything really...

Speaking of which, I am a little worried to let Ichigo go out alone. I'm sure he wouldn't really do it, but I think Nii-sama thinks about sending an assassination squad down here for him. Not that Ichigo couldn't fend off those slugs himself, anyway. I keep forgetting this guy fought Captain Zaraki to the ground, which I guess is an impressive feat, for a stubborn oaf. If he bothered to learn any Kido, he could've just used a binding spell to keep him down until he rescued me...

I can't really complain much about living here. Yuzu is nice enough, I guess, but I really like Karin-chan. The way she always kicks their dad whenever he gets out of line, and is always cool and snide whenever the rest of them are getting worked up about something stupid. Just like me and Ichigo. I think I will go out and see how he's doing.

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10:00 PM

**From The Desk of 10th Division Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro**

Memo to all seated officers:

As you know, myself and Lieutenant Matsumoto will soon be leaving for the World of the Living on special assignment. We do not currently anticipate being gone for more than a month, however this is not vacation time for the rest of this Division. I expect full compliance with the following:

Absolutely NO consumption of alcohol by any members while on duty, or otherwise before 5:00 PM. And I DO NOT care what the captain of 8th Division has to say on the subject.

I expect all members to train diligently during our time of absence, and by "train" I do not mean engage in unscheduled "sparring sessions" with the members of 11th division in the streets of Sereitei. From this point on, I will NEVER again drag any more of my subordinates out of the citadel detention center. If you find yourself there, you'd better get comfortable.

Because both myself and my second will be absent, I am leaving the you under the authority of 13th Division Captain Ukitake, who has kindly offered to look in on things once a week. Please report to him with any questions or concerns. No offense intended to our third seat, who has been been putting forward admirable effort in the past years.

These are my standing orders for the time of my departure until my return. I have the utmost faith in all of you.

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11:44 PM

**Report of 1st Division Enforcement Unit Chief Suzuki Keiji**

Responded to disturbance witnessed outside my office window near the base of the Execution Grounds. Arrived on scene to discover two unknown groups of shinigami in combat, had to subdue several with Kido before things calmed down. Lieutenant Sasakibe and Commander Yamamoto also arrived on-scene soon after. The first group, seemingly the belligerents, were apparently of the Covert Ops Brigade. They wouldn't say anything, of course, except that they were following their captain's orders. The second group, who had attempted to approach a nearby cave, identified themselves as the "Women Shinigami Association", and consisted of several female Lieutenants from various Divisions. They did not claim to be acting under any authority. Among them was Lieutenant Hinamori of 5th Division who appeared nearly hysterical, sobbing, and going on about how she was supposed to meet with former Captain Aizen of 5th division in the nearby cave, as reported by a letter she had received from him earlier that day, telling of his apparent escape from Hueco Mundo. Myself and the other members of Enforcement Unit proceeded into the cave while the Commander watched over the detainees. Inside it we found a considerable stash of covered equipment and construction supplies, which Lieutenant Sasakibe identified as those needed to construct a medium-capacity Senkai gate. With this discovery, and talk of Aizen, we had little choice but to have the whole group of suspects escorted down to Detainment until we can investigate the situation more fully. Command had issued no orders for construction in the vicinity of the Execution Ground, and none of the suspects could (or would) explain what the materials were doing there. No traces of Aizen Sosuke or his subordinates were found at the scene, the only other item in the cave being a sizable litterbox. Will begin full inquiry into this matter tomorrow. End of report.

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12:35 AM

**Letter From 7th Division Lieutenant Iba Tetsuzaemon to Lieutenant Hisagi Shuhei, Lieutenant Kira Izuru, Captain Ukitake Jushiro, and Urahara Kisuke**

Tora tora tora!

The plan was an even greater success than we had hoped! The entire WSA is down in lockup on suspicion of treason! I didn't anticipate the thing with Hinamori, but it's the frosting on the cake. That'll teach them to kick the Men's Shinigami Association around. Truly this is a night to savor, gentlemen. And of course, special thanks are in order for our friend Mr. Urahara, without whose assistance this wouldn't be possible. It just goes to show that even former members of our organization are always willing to lend a helping hand to their comrades. I bid you all a fond goodnight men, and hope you get lots of rest, after all, we've got a lot of heavy lifting to do tomorrow, but as repayment to Mr. Urahara, I'm sure you'd agree it's worth it.

* * *

Note: I am aware that this takes place in "nowhere land" as far as the series timeline goes. It's mostly just meant to be funny.


End file.
